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Questions Towards the End

Monday, September 22, 2014
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How do you really know when you are to end up with someone?
How do you really know when you should stop a relationship that's more of a habit than a real relationship?

Well, I don't have the right to speak for everybody, but I think I can speak for myself. This is a personal entry so it may not be as detailed as it should.

I just came out of a 6-year relationship. I can say that it was both amazing and toxic. If I jump into details, I might be judged and hated by some, even my ex. Let me keep everything simple.

We were friends before we got together. The friendship was good, very good, that you would assume that nothing could go wrong. At least that's what I thought. As years passed, just like in any relationship, we got to know a lot more about each other and I think that's when I can say that I found myself opting out of the relationship.

I am the type of person with a lot of faith. Faith in God and in people. In this public portal of mine, I'd have to say that there were a lot of people who didn't really want to see us together. Yes, and I'm sorry. The people who didn't want to see us together had different reasons and over the years, I tried to fight those reasons - I tried to disregard them because of love. Just as Patty Smith would sing it, "There's a danger in loving somebody too much. It's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay who they are. Baby sometimes, love just ain't enough." I've been into this song since I was in high school and it never really meant something until I reached the point where everything was falling apart.

Writing this entry took me awhile because I don't want you guys to get the impression that I'm perfect or that I never committed mistakes throughout the six years I was with him. In all honesty, I've made a lot of mistakes. Towards the end, I knew there were a lot of things that I should and shouldn't have done, but I just couldn't find the will to do because I was losing hope. My faith in him has fluctuated and I think this is the first time I didn't want to blame myself.

Well, since this is a private matter, I can't really divulge into details which makes this post rather gibberish, but I'd like to let it out since it's been choking me for over a month now. I also wrote this entry to once again explain myself that I have my reasons and I didn't just "throw everything away". Seriously, not that type of person and you should know that.

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