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One Step Closer

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I cannot take this anymore. Saying everything I said before.
All these words, they make no sense. I find bliss in ignorance.
Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break, I need a little room to breathe.

It's another Monday yet again and all I can think of is my last day of work. I'm very happy to say that I finally know what I want to do with my life. I really don't see myself as an office girl for life, or someone who pleases clients and make someone else rich. I really see myself doing the things I know I love, and make myself rich. 

I am one step closer to making my resignation official. I have explained myself to my supervisor already, and the next step would be to talk to the big boss. In all honesty, I'm more concerned with what my supervisor would say and think than what the big boss might say and think. I only have a business relationship with the big boss so it's a lot easier to break it to him. With my supervisor, I consider her not only as my direct boss but also a big sister. No kidding. She is a very nice person and no one has ever stood as an "ate" to me the way she has. I think her sister being a year younger than me is a big factor to that - I think she somehow sees something in me that reminds her of her sister. To me, well, I don't have a sister. I guess I'll never know how it feels like to have one but thanks to her, I'm close to believing I have one. Although it may be impossible for her to see this post, I know I won't forget to let her know how I feel about her and how I feel about leaving. 

This is my first job since graduation and obviously my first time to resign. When I see/hear my friends resign, I don't understand how "easy" it is for them to do it. It took me a few months to finally advise my boss that I was to resign. Imagine that - months.  Months. How come my friends simply pass their resignation letters? I think my problem is, and always is, me being attached to people. I should do something about that.
...or not? I think that's one thing about me. Although my past experiences don't really support what I'm about to say, but loyalty is very important to me. I can easily forgive someone who has been disloyal to me, given they'd explain why they've done it and actually make me understand their situation, but if I choose to be loyal to you, may you be a friend, a partner, or a colleague, expect me to be loyal. Maybe that's one thing that people like me for. I'm not assuming, okay. I said maybe. ;)

To sum this entry up, I'm just very excited to finally end this journey. It has been one hell of a ride, but I still learned a lot. To all my colleagues who have contributed to who I am now, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Holy Week 2014

Wednesday, April 23, 2014
So, how was your holy week? I'd like to believe you had a good time.

I spent the holidays at home. I was actually surprised my mother didn't insist on doing the Visita Iglesia last Thursday. I used to find it a bit scary to have Stations of the Cross at home, but I really needed the time to rest and I think my mom understood that so we just prayed at home. It still feels weird and I feel incomplete without going about the tradition but it was fine.

I spent four straight days at home and Last Saturday, I started having fever. It got worse last Sunday, and it caused me to call in sick at work.
I'm used to going to different places on Holy Week. I think this is the first time we didn't go anywhere at all. I don't know why, but I feel very, very relaxed and grateful. Although I feel a little envious whenever I see beach posts, then again, with the heat of the sun, even if the water's cold, I don't think I'd want myself to go through that. 

For the past few years, I've been very proud of my faith. The past months, probably because of what I went through, I think I'm having troubles. It's not that I lost faith, it's just that I don't get to pray as often as I did. I'm very disappointed. Although I liked the idea of staying home during the holidays, doing the Visita Iglesia and visiting several churches could maybe help me regain the faith I once had. I really need that quiet time in the House of God. I want to be able to just sit there, stare at Him, and feel Him. Maybe I'll do that in the near future. I really need peace.

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