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Vacation: Necessity or Want?

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hong Kong
Early November 2013, my best friend and I went to Hong Kong just for fun. Well, we're aspiring travelers. We call ourselves the "travel buddies" since this was our third trip abroad together. It was very fun in many ways even though for two days (I think), I had severe headache. When we arrived at the airport, neither of us knew how to get to the hotel. People would think that it was very stressful; given we were "foreigners" in HK, but it was very fun for us. We asked around, and ended up taking two trains to get to the hotel. We finally figured out that we could travel all of Hong Kong using the MTR, so that was what we did the whole time. Food, shopping, and sights were all good.
My Boracay trip was on the last week of November 2013 as well. It was my birthday weekend, and me and my family stayed at Shangri-La Boracay. I kept on saying this trip was the cherry on top of my birthday week. It was, actually. We stayed at a 5-Star Hotel, with VIP treatment. What else could you ask for?

Hi, I'm still the depressed me. It's been a good Monday and Tuesday, but nothing's changed. I'm still in this shit hole. I guess this is one of the times I really need to go on vacation. When I'm around friends, I tend to forget my worries. I smile and I laugh. When I'm back home, I'm tired from work; and then I remember what happened last Friday. I'm very desperate for a chance to be away from home, away from the people who hurt me, and reflect on myself. I know I'm in this situation right now because of a stupid mistake that I made, but I still don't get how I've been stepped on too much.

I mentioned my two recent vacations because I remember how my whole self was at peace during these vacays. I've gotten to know more about myself during these times. In Hong Kong, as seen above, we went to The Peak. If you're unfamiliar with it, you are to ride a tram all the way up to see the whole of Hong Kong. Wonderful, right? As I was staring at HK's city lights, the bad experiences I had at work came flashing right back at me. Then I realized how blessed I was to be staring at an astonishing view; and that all my troubles were gone. Not really gone, but I was able to understand all the things I didn't get to understand minutes, hours, days, and weeks after a horrible experience. My trip to Boracay, on the other hand, was a vacation where I was able to have an additional check to my bucket list: dive off a cliff. Yes, I did it! There were three points: 5meters, 10meters, and 15 meters. I was able to jump the 10meter-high cliff, but got pretty scared with the 15. I wanted to, but I guess I wasn't ready at the time. I'm going back sooner or later, and I vowed I'd jump the 15. If I were to describe the feeling while jumping off a cliff, it is a feeling that you won't get from the city. All you can see are blue skies, happy people, free alcohol, blue water, and a happy you. Jumping, although with a little nervousness, helps you release all the bad, sad, and negative things in you and I'm not even exaggerating!

So after another long explanation, I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you're below rock bottom, it is a necessity to go on vacation. Anywhere outside your real world is fine. I'd suggest you go for the beach, cause it's way more than relaxing. The heat of the sun may make you go crazy, but the blue sky, the sand (even if you're not in Boracay), the trees, and mostly the ocean - these will give you a different vibe. It helps you think clearly. Another piece of advice: bring someone who can help you forget the world. Lastly, bring a pack of cigarettes and beer and you're off to a good vacation.

Finding Inspiration

Sunday, March 2, 2014

En Route Distillery, Tomas Morato
In life, though we don't realize it, we really need an inspiration. An inspiration to move on, to work, to be happy, and even just to wake up.

This friend of mine is an amazing woman. I've known her since 5th grade, and she's been on the honor roll probably all her life. I don't even know how it became possible for me to have a friend who's an honor student. Before college, I never had the interest in school. Still, we became friends. Her life story may be a very inspiring story if it were to be written in a book, but she's a private person so I may only be one of the very few who could be inspired by her.

The things she has gone through are way harder than the ones I have, yet she still has the strength and courage to strive harder for a better life. For that, I salute you.

I don't know if I have mentioned this to you before, but you honestly serve as an inspiration to me. You juggle up a lot of things: school, work, family, and love. How the hell do you do that? Seriously, with all the things that are happening to me, I only think of you; and how you pulled yourself up from whatever shit hole you've been through. I may not be as expressive as I used to, but that's only because I'm lost. When you were here, I was preoccupied with other things. I know, I should have set it aside for the limited time you were here, but I'm sorry. I didn't have the strength to do so. I was very restless and I couldn't control my emotions. I couldn't even start opening it up to you. I'm not expecting you to give me 100% of your vacation because I know there are a lot of people who miss you and want to spend time with you. Sorry for being selfish. I know I'm in deep shit with regards to money, but I promise that the next time you see me, I'll be there. Not you being here.

Thank you for sharing with me bits and pieces of your life. Because of you, I know that I can surpass whatever this is I'm going through. I may not have been the perfect best friend for the past years, but I promise to be better. I love you, and hope you had a safe flight back home.

Life, and all that shit.

I'm 23, turning 24 this year. To some people, I may not have the credibility to write about life. But tell me, who is?

Let me share my perspective about life.

Although I'm on the verge of breaking down due to personal problems, I can still say that I haven't gone through the worst - worst meaning life-threatening, crazy experiences as others may have. I haven't gone through poverty, through a family breakup, bad school experience, molestation, or things as such. I have my own set of bad scenarios, and they're not as bad as others. With this, I thank the Lord.
Now, life. Life is not what others say it is. They always say life is good, life is short, life is a mess, life is bullshit, life is like this, life is like that. I say life is just fair. It gives you the right amount of happiness, and it gives you the right amount of pain as well. To people who say that life is unfair, I guess they make their lives unfair. They make their lives more miserable as it is. I'm actually guilty of this. They say, "fuck my life" when they don't get what they want in a snap. They say FML when they fail their classes. They say FML when their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them. Well, fuck you.

I have this friend who is taking up a medical course. I know it's not easy studying medicine. But there are a lot of doctors out there. Seeing my friend failing his classes annoys me too much. He says he can't do it, and no matter how hard he studies, he still fails. He also said that there's this class where only one passed. I say, if someone passed, then he can. It's as simple as that. Maybe this person exerted a lot of effort to pass. I see this friend of mine, and he drinks with me and the group. Sources tell me that he stays at this internet shop to play games. Where's the effort in that?

I know of someone who curses through life over and over again. Whenever he's stuck in traffic, he would think that the gods hate him too much that they would put him in such jam. I say, wtf.

To set hypocrisy aside, let's talk about me. Whenever there's a bad day at work, I'd want to quit. Whenever someone says I'm ugly, I say I'm ugly. When someone says bad things to me, I take it seriously, and I say, fuck my life. I've got a bad life, and you know the drill.

So okay. Given these details, does it show you how people take life? I think we take life seriously. Life is a joke. Life is a test. You shouldn't have the mindset that whatever you're going through right now will never leave you (wtf, I should be telling this to myself).

© Google

 We're all familiar with this saying: "This too shall pass". The first time I heard about this was when my best friend told me she wanted this for a tattoo. I'm not a tattoo fan, but I guess having this permanently inked to whichever part of your body is a good idea. Constant reminder for you that whether good or bad experience, it'll pass. 

So there. I hope people quit saying life is unfair, life is full of bullshit, and that life is HAPPY. If you keep on telling me that, there will only be two things that will come to my mind. One is that you're a hypocrite, and two, is that you're lying to me.

Which is which?

Okay, so in connection to my previous post, I am humbly admitting that I'm not okay. Not okay, wretchedly unhappy, miserable, melancholic, and all other synonyms you could google. 

Just as Rachel Greene would say,

Photo not mine

So yep, that's me. Allow me to exaggerate the line.

"Today, it's like there's rock bottom, 100 feet of crap, loads of chicken ass, then me."

Not to exaggerate my feelings, but I really feel that way. If you read between the lines of my previous post, this problem of mine involves my family. Yes, I'm saying this in a public portal. Then again, get the fuck off my blog if you judge me for posting this.
Last Friday was one of the worst Fridays of my life. Not only did my sin haunt me again, but I had two important people hate on me all the more. I don't know why I'm being pushed too hard. Okay, first of all, I've already admitted my mistake. Why push even harder? When did I ever deny of committing the mistake I did? Yes, I may have made the mistake of possibly thinking that I wasn't the only one who used it? But I still accepted whatever it is. 

This incident reminds me a lot of my childhood. The way person 1 was missing big events in my life, and always being there in person 2's events. It reminded me of how I always came in "second place", or coming in like the second option. I never really put much thought into this until now. A friend suggested I talk to person 1 and address these feelings; but I said no. First, I think person 1 would think it's irrelevant, and second, I don't think it will make a difference. Why? Because whatever I do, whatever I reach in life, whatever good deed, thing, or action I do, I will always be the second best. Okay, I'll accept that. In fact, I'm the second child. So might as well be second in all cases.

For the first time in my life, I thought of running away. Yes, I think I'm that depressed. Then again, I'm not stupid enough to do so as I have no money of my own. Well, sure I have a job, but it still won't be enough. I may sound like a bitchy daughter, but I just can't live alone for now. My condo, bought by my mom, will be ready by next year. With the amount of money stress I have now, I think I'll be able to save a few before that condo is ready. I'm so excited to live alone, because by then I'd be free from all negative vibes. I'll be free from all the comparison, the tag-teams and all that crap. 

I haven't been a perfect daughter, sister, cousin, friend, and girlfriend. But I know myself; and I know I'm better than the things my family think of me. Yes, I spend a lot of time with my friends. I just wonder: did it ever occur to them that most of the time, they make me feel like shit when I'm home? I guess not.

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