Dealing with the Real Life

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Hi, I'm on my 9th month at work and if you ask me how I'm doing, I'd say I'm probably doing fine. Just fine. Not exemplary, not that bad. I haven't reached my goal yet, and a few colleagues tell me it's normal for someone not to reach what I want to reach in the span of 9 months. But then again, I can't NOT compare myself to my mother who got promoted after 7 months. Understanding the scenario, I'm not as good as my mom, and I accept that. I'm squeezing my head out on days where I have nothing to do at work Why? Simply because I know that if I'm really "working hard", then I shouldn't have days where I have nothing to do. That makes sense, right?

I'm on the verge of breaking down right now cause I'm facing a huge problem. I don't know the consequences yet, but I'm already freaking out. I am dying to close deals, I am dying to reach my quota, and I am dying to excel. If I grade myself, I'd most likely give myself 70%. I know it's not as easy as I thought it was. I know my clients aren't as big as others; and I know that I don't have a lot of accounts yet. I have about 10, but I cannot force myself to visit them when they're not available or I have just visited them. I want to look for more accounts, but when I do, clients don't usually respond immediately. I don't know if I'm fit for the job or not even though I have been told that it fits me well. 

I'm blogging about this, no matter how embarrassing it is because I don't know how else to let all my emotions out. During the times I have nothing to do but stare at my emails, I always imagine how different my life would be now if I had just pursued starting a business and then I realized that...

...if I'm having so much trouble saving money, dealing with clients as such, being responsible with time, then I would most likely flush my business down again. I don't want that to happen. As long as I have not learned how hard it really is in the real life, I will not take the risk of starting another business. Some people don't really understand how it is to work. I'm very close to understanding it now, seriously. I have just started not receiving allowance from my mom this month, and I'm glad I won't be in the next months. I need to work with the money I get from work for me to appreciate this challenge.

My Dearest Lord,
Please guide me along the way.
Please do not leave me all alone.
I understand that this is just a phase, but I am humbly asking for strength and grace.
Thank you for not forgetting I need You by my side.

Thank You.
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